I knew I needed help when I cried in the shower. It was a shock to feel my feelings. There were a lot of them. I went to see Father Craig at the Episcopal Church of the Nativity.
I thought it would be okay to talk to Father Craig because Mama used to go talk to Father Mike before he died and Father Maze took over. Father Mike had been in a war and was shot in the face, but I think the bullet only took out his teeth.
I spilled the beans to Father Craig. He gave me an Adult Children of Alcoholics book I never gave back. Said his daddy was the same as my Mama and he’d find some
Al-Anon meetings for me. I found them before he didn’t tell me where any were.
Mama found out I talked to Father Craig and said I turned her in.
Since I’d already told my priest Mama was an alcoholic, I figured the cat was out of the bag, so I went ahead and told my Godmother Dorothy. She already knew. Had me sign up for some real therapy at Life Help where she worked. Got me in with Madolyn Smith, the best therapist in the Delta and Dorothy’s best friend.
Therapy was amazing. Madolyn asked me what parts of me I wanted to keep and lose. I wanted to keep my super-powers of reading people and lose the guilt.
Mama hated I went to therapy.
She used to get all upset and be like, “Is Madolyn Smith telling you’re a fetal alcohol syndrome baby?
What?
I’d never thought about that and began to worry. Was I?
I asked Madolyn and she quickly said, “Oh no, you’re not.”
Then she paused, looked at me long and hard.
“You’d have a certain look about you and you don’t.”
Tilted her head again.
“You’re not.”
Excerpt from Care & Feeding by Chela Gutierrez.
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